An Entire Month?

Wow. Time flies when you're having fun. I can't believe an entire month has passed since I updated this. Lots has happened.
The boys are enjoying daycare. Although, they brought home some kind of stomach virus that has made its' rounds in the family. That wasn't fun. Ryan got it first, then Cayden, then ME, then I gave it to Josh, my dad got it, mom got it and Chris got it. We've also all been fighting some kind of viral infection that has affected us all differently. We're still battling with that part. :\
i'm working quite a few hours, which means the boys are at daycare more than I wish they had to be. Another thing, Cayden got his first ear infection. Poor little guy.

Let's see. Cayden got his first TWO teeth a day apart from one another. His first popped through on Dec 2. His bottom left. And his bottom right popped through on Dec 3. He also started crawling right around my birthday (16th). He's thinning out now, but he was a little chunk for a while.
Ryan is doing really well with everything now. He only doesn't behave when he's getting tired, otherwise, he seems to be doing a lot better with listening. Thank you, Miss Diane! haha!

Ryan and Cayden made me gifts at school. Cayden "made" me a plate with his hand print and the year on it. And, Ryan painted a little ceramic snowman. They were adorable. They were wrapped for me and everthing, it was totally sweet opening them up on Christmas morning.

Both boys had an enjoyable Christmas. Cayden was sick, but still seemed to enjoy everything when he wasn't feeling sick. It was nice waking up to Ryan saying "Merry Christmas, Momma", since last year all he could say was "mayee kimmups" haha. I can't believe that another year is almost over. Once this year is over, I'll have a baby that will be ONE in 3 months! I cannot believe how fast this year has gone. Time flies when you're having fun

Twilight the Movie

So, Rachael and I went to see Twilight last night at midnight, along with a bunch of other screaming women. The movie was good, yet a let down at the same time. The movie was obviously very low budget and the special effects weren't that great. It followed the book pretty closely, yet there were things added and things changed to fit the story of the movie. The CGI was okay. The baseball scene and the fight scene were the best two scenes of the whole movie. And the "glistening" in the sun? Yeah, just a bunch of glitter on his body.



Who would have thought that showing up to a movie an hour and a half before the movie starts would make you late for seating? Yeah, we showed up at 10:30 for a 12:03 showing and our theater had already been seated! We sat in the second row because there weren't any other seats left! I will probably go see it again, just to see it at a good angle.

So, all in all. I was pretty disappointed, maybe if I see it again, I may feel differently.

We are Back!

I'm so sorry I haven't posted in nearly a month! Things have been a bit hectic. The trip across the pond was fairly uneventful. The boys were fabulous on the plane, I had so many comments on how well behaved they were for me being on my own with them. I had lots of help. A friend of mine met me in Manchester to help me through the airport and get my bags checked in (If you're reading this, Sue, thank you so much for your help!). Once I got past security there were people that would help carry things for me if they saw me and thought i was struggling. They were all so nice.

I got to Utah at about 8pm. I had a welcoming committee waiting for me! Mom, Dad, Chris, Josh, Rachael, Corban and Isabelle. It was a nice warm welcome home.

Once we got here we kept pretty busy for quite some time. Went to Idaho to visit family and have been doing what I need to to make sure the kids are taken care of, etc. I will start working here shortly, which will give me a little bit more freedom. I am wanting to take a weekend and just do what I want. Get away, without the kids if I can, and just go out and let my hair down. I'm feeling pretty wonderful right now but it would still be nice to just go out and have a good time and do what I want. That's not too much to ask, is it?

Thank you all so much for your continued support. I wouldn't be where I am today without all of you behind me.

I will leave you with some photos of our endeavors since we arrived.

Fun at the Park

We're trying to make the most of our last 10 days here, so we went to the park with my best friend, Kaye.

Why Does it *Hurt*?

Why does it physically hurt when you have a broken heart? Why is it that when you feel pain emotionally, your whole body ~feels~ it, too? Why do I feel like I'm being torn apart from the inside and yet feel the hurt on the outside? I have said this is a blog about my children but I need to vent for a few moments. I hope you readers don't mind.

When my heart was initially broken I cried all the time. In front of my kids, when I was alone, all the time. The last time I cried (apart from today) was a week ago, and I made sure that my children were in bed so they didn't have to see it. I guess time really is what it takes to heal all wounds as it is getting easier to not cry all the time. I feel weak for crying in front of my children. I am the person they are to look up to. What will they think if they see their mom crying and sad all the time?

I've been told wounds heal. Even emotional ones. A friend of mine (you know who you are, and I love you!) and I were talking and she told me that "Nietzsche says- "What does not destroy me, makes me stronger."" We then talked about how the tribulations we go through damage us in a way that makes us stronger. Why is it that the deepest scars are invisible on the outside? What will it take for my heart to feel whole again? The hurt is so strong that it makes me start questioning my own self-worth. I suffer from low self esteem at the best of times and this has only added to it.

I am looking forward to our move. My sons and I will be moving to the United States in just under two weeks. It is something that has been planned for a long time; only now, it's for a complete new start. Once I get "home" I'm hoping it will be easier for my heart to heal. I have never ever in my life felt pain and sadness the way I have lately, and speaking of pain I've had two children so I've had some intense physical pain. That pain doesn't even scratch the surface of how much I'm hurting. People I know say I've been so strong through all of this. I don't feel strong. I feel weaker than weak and my strong front is just that, a facade. They say I'm strong because of how I've handled things. I see room for improvement in the way I've handled things. Again, it goes back to self-worth. I just feel so low. The only reason I am important is because I am a mother two my two beautiful boys. They have been my rocks and they are the reason I have been the way I have been through all of this.

Those of you who know what is going on, thank you for your continued support. I think I would be even more lost than I am now if it weren't for you. Those of you that don't know, I'm sure you will very soon. It's no secret, it's just something that I don't feel comfortable typing out for all to see.
Thank you for reading this far and thank you all for your prayers and support. I hope that some day soon the pain will start to fade and I can feel whole again.

I was in the kitchen changing laundry over (yes, I live in England and unless you're a wealthy person your "laundry room" is also your kitchen) and I hear *tap tap tap* "Grandpa!" *tap tap tap* "Graaaaaaandpa!" *click click click* "hi Grandpa." I look over and see Ryan in the computer chair and trying to look on the screen to see if my mom and dad are on webcam! I thought it was sweet!

To Be Subtle

~*The Start of Our New Life!*~

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I Made an Attempt

This is my wonderful attempt at being a "professional" photographer. I wanted to get some photos of Mike and Cayden because we have photos of Mike and Ryan that were done professionally. Since we've been trying to save money to move I figured I would at least try myself and see how they come out. They're not *too* bad.